We’re called to raise our children in the training and instruction of the Lord (Eph. 6:4). How can we do this in such a way that their faith becomes their own? I was recently on a mission trip with 15 students to a central American country. They were great kids, and, for the most part, they came from homes where the faith is an active component of how their family operates. However, when serving alongside these students, it was apparent they were all over the page when it came to the depth of their faith and their commitment to it. I was reminded again that taking children to church, praying at the dinner table, and reading the Bible as a family might not be enough for them to take personal ownership of their faith.
Here is alarming number to consider: roughly 70% of high school students who enter college as professing Christians will leave with little to no faith, according to a recent Barna Group survey. You might feel disheartened by what I have shared — but don’t be. First, I am not suggesting it is fruitless for your family to go to church, pray at the dinner table, and read the Bible regularly in your home. It is worthy of your time to do these things. But the reality is that too many kids who grow up in a Christian home do not fully own their faith. Many of the 15 students I took to Central America for 10 days came from a Christian home and a Christian school, but the world and their flesh were winning the spiritual battle. Second, parents must take seriously the behaviors of the world because technology, social media, social groups, and influencers have mastered ways to connect with your children that church, youth groups, and Christian schools haven’t quite figured out yet.
I want to offer you six ways you can help your child own their own faith. These steps are not a science; they’re an art. Know your children, and find ways to mesh these ideas with the personality of each, individual child.
- Encourage exploration and questions: Don’t be afraid of your child asking questions about faith, even challenging ones. Create a safe space for open discussion, and encourage them to explore different religious ideas.
- Move beyond lectures: Faith formation is more than attending church sermons or taking Bible classes. Look for interactive ways to learn together, such as volunteering with organizations aligning with your faith’s values, or authentically connecting “life” and its challenges to their faith.
- Model your own faith journey: Children learn by example. Share your own faith struggles, questions, and experiences. Let them see how your faith is practiced in everyday life, not just on Sundays. As best you can, quit compartmentalizing your own faith journey by showing them that Jesus is an active part of your life Monday through Saturday.
- Empower their choices: As your children mature, allow them to make their own choices about faith practices. This could involve a discussion about which church to attend, participating in youth groups outside your home church, or discovering different faith-based activities. If your child is willing to engage more in their faith by going to church with their friend’s family, it might not be a bad thing to allow them to explore that. We sometimes get into a routine as a family, doing the same thing every Sunday morning. Be willing to allow variety and change to invade this space.
- Connect faith to their passions: Help your child find ways to integrate their faith and interests. Do they love music? Find faith-based music groups or choirs. Are they passionate about sports? Explore faith-based sports leagues or volunteer opportunities. Sometimes we parents feel we have to be the driver of our children’s faith journey. It’s not a bad thing if this growth or greater investment comes from something other than us.
- Missions, missions, and more missions: I have yet to see a practice session or exercise that matches the power of a mission trip, with or without parents. When our kids are stripped of their technology, screen time, obligations (practices, school work), and the bubble they live in, and then placed in a neighborhood, impoverished area, or foreign country that looks, feels, and smells very different than their own, their ability to see and sense God increases. The opportunities for them to see God working are multiplied. In still other words, when they are yanked out of their comfort zone, the door opens for them take their eyes off themselves and serve in a whole new way. Somehow, and in ways I can’t explain, a mission trip removes the bubble wrap of life so our kids can hear His whisper and feel His touch. I’ve seen even the most unlikely kid meet Jesus on these trips and come home knowing God is real. Open the door for missional experiences in your city or to the far reaches of the earth.
If your home would be called a “Christian home,” then likely your children know the book version of Jesus. Consider experimenting with how to make Him personal, alive, and a part of their everyday life. The strategies outlined above have merit. Risk trying one or more of them — but keep in mind that if their faith is never challenged, neither will they be. The Bible makes clear that the testing of our faith is what makes it genuine. Finally, examine yourself by asking, “Is the way I live out my faith exciting and exuberant? Do I give my child a reason to be excited about what Jesus is doing in my life?”
Be intentional about helping your child own their own faith so when they exit your home for college or just start living life on their own, they desire to keep Jesus the main thing.