It has been my experience that being a great father to your children often means that you are intentional in your interactions, you create space for your children to have uninterrupted access to you, and you look for teachable moments. Often a dad will hope, and maybe assume, his mere presence and proximity will accomplish the above stated goals, but all too often this gameplan falls short. Some good will always come from “Dad” being relevant and present, but his impact on his children could be so much if he pursued and captured opportunities versus waiting for them to fall into his lap.
From a biblical worldview, humility should be one of the most important character trait to instill in our children in this self-centered world. Scripture would also encourage the development of this. In addition, humility is foundational to the development of all other healthy relational and developmental traits in the life of a well-adjusted, connected, and genuinely loving child. Imagine a world where humility is admired and intentionally cultivated, where kids grow out of a foundation of humility rather than pride, control, and power. Dad, consider what would it look like if you focused on developing humility in your child, and your home.
In the area of humility, consider being purposeful and uncompromising in your leadership of this space, and see if the fruit that comes from it isn’t worth the effort.
Humility – Think about the way you interact with a proud and arrogant person. Is that the way you want your child to be perceived. Don’t we want them to be kind, humble, and teachable, and to find favor with others? In addition, I want my children to reflect their faith in a humble and engaging way. Most people would find it difficult to see “Jesus” replicated in the life of a proud and haughty person. As their dad, you want to teach your child that finding favor with people can be essential to promotion and critical to fulfilling their purpose. When being intentional about teaching our children about humility, be deliberate about:
1. Modeling it for them in your own life and interactions. Never underestimate the power of teaching through example. Humility must be consistently modeled as a lifestyle, not an on-again, off-again example.
2. Promoting humility in their actions and character. It’s important to understand that humility should come from a position of confidence, strength, and self-assurance. Connecting humility to their strengths is better than connecting to their weaknesses.
3. Humility should be connected to success and competition. Encourage and help them to be the very best they can be—no matter what they do, and then incorporate conversation from where humility becomes a great companion with accomplishment. Humility works best when your child has achieved something, and from that will be great opportunity to define humility in the circle of achievement. In doing so, it’s best to celebrate the process that got them to the mountain top, not the reward that comes from it.
4. Helping your child to understand where a person’s real value comes from. Your children need to know that victories, awards, looks, cars, where they live, and talent are not what give them worth. It’s easier to sidestep pride or arrogance when children understand that they are valued simply because they are your child, and even more so a child of God.
5. Humiliating your kids to bring about humility doesn’t work. Humility cannot be imposed. It’s important not to confuse humiliation, bullying, and beating down with an education in humility. Embarrassment is not a good foundation to teach one how to be humble.
6. Look for opportunities to exercise the below actions to foster humility:
A. Practicing service as a regular practice. Mission trips can be a valuable place for your children
to frame humility in the right perspective.
B. Coach them how to respond in certain situations. Children need to be shown:
- How to say “please” and “thank you”
ii. How to respond to winning
iii. How to receive a compliment
iv. How to apologize
C. Talk often about being authentically grateful for all that they have and to give thanks.
D. When those proud moments get the best of them, privately help them learn from this,
contrasting what they did versus what they should have done.
Often humility does not come looking for us, we must go find it. Lead your children on this search, and you Dad be the best example of humility, while pointing out other great examples of it. Learning to be humble rarely happens by luck, so be strategic about building this into your child’s character.